<![CDATA[ - Medb's Blog]]>Sat, 19 May 2012 14:44:10 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[Honesty]]>Sat, 19 May 2012 13:41:45 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/05/honesty.html“Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone - and hurt them to the bone - you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time”
~Dave Van Ronk

Honesty is the single most important quality in a friendship. Of all characteristics, I can imagine none more important to the development of trust and respect between individuals. If you can not trust someone, it makes it very difficult to love them.

There is nothing that can make me loose interest in a friendship or a potential sweetheart more quickly than finding that they are not being honest with me. Whether it is because they are trying to spare my feelings or because they are being manipulative, it doesn't matter. Dishonesty is dishonesty. I'm a big girl and I can take it.

More than that, nothing hurts me more than a lie. Especially an unnecessary one, and they are all unnecessary as far as I'm concerned. Just lay it out there for me, tell me the truth. Anything less and you are insulting my intelligence.

For this reason I appreciate people who are direct, who don't play games and who are willing to explore their feelings openly. A rare breed I suppose.

Its hard to develop a rule on how to deal with this, it it one strike and you're out, three strikes and you're out or is it the degree of hurt that is caused? Personally, I think its the degree of hurt but I'm leaning toward a one strike rule. I don't trust easily and once I do, if that trust is broken, it will take a long while to rebuild it. Obviously, after someone breaks my trust with lies actions will speak louder than words.

But I don't hold my breath waiting. I move on and focus on other areas of my life. Preferring to not dwell on the hurt if possible. Maybe write a poem or two, a blog entry, etc. and I'm done.

I've had enough lies in my life. My family is rife with manipulators and I just haven't the patience for that type. There is no reason to put my energy into that when there are so many good, healthy things in my life to put my energy into.
]]><![CDATA[Little Successes]]>Tue, 10 Apr 2012 17:53:19 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/04/little-successes.htmlThe other day I walked a 5k with some of my Grovies for autism awareness here in Chico CA. I finished the entire walk.

As many of you know, I’m physically disabled so this walk was no small feat for me. Still, I remember the days when a 3-5 mile run would be my normal daily routine. So, I brushed off this accomplishment with some amount of contempt for my current lack of ability.

I downplayed my achievement. How often do you find that you downplay your own success or fail to take pride in your accomplishments? How often do you fail to recognize the success of your family, friends, Grovies, Kin, or Coven-mates? I, for one, plan to take more time to recognize and celebrate successes, no matter how small.

What each of us does every day of our lives makes a difference in the way we perceive our world and how we are perceived. The effort that we each put into our own lives is to be commended.

So congratulations to each an every one of you for whatever successes and triumphs, no matter how small or large, you have had in your life recently. Take pride in your accomplishments. ]]><![CDATA[Medb, My Queen!]]>Sun, 08 Apr 2012 22:07:56 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/04/medb-my-queen.htmlMedb, seductress,
I dedicate myself to you, seductress Queen.
I will make all sexual acts holy in your honor. All sexual acts will be offering to you and they will be sacred and holy sacraments to me. Mold me, your servant, and teach me your enchanting arts.

Medb, warrior,
I dedicate myself to you, warrior Queen.
I will work to protect those I love and those without protection who cannot protect themselves. My victories, and my defeats, will be offerings to you and will be blessed lessons for me. Shield me, your child, in times of battle.

Medb, King maker,
I dedicate myself to you, Goddess of sovereignty.
I will wed myself to the people and to the land. My kindness to those that surround me will be offerings to you and will enrich my soul. Protect me, your student, from those who would take advantage.

Medb, reveler,
I dedicate myself to you, Goddess of intoxication.
I will enjoy my life and rejoice in it. I will celebrate with those I know and with friends not yet made. Every life moment that I treasure will be a gift to you and to myself. Lend me, your worshiper, levity that I might enjoy each moment for what it is. ]]><![CDATA[Lighting a Sacrificial Fire, Avestan (Indo-Iranian)]]>Fri, 30 Mar 2012 09:18:44 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/03/lighting-a-sacrificial-fire-avestan-indo-iranian.htmlPicture
_We light this fire in the presence of the Kindred,
In the presence of the Noble Ones,
In the presence of the Ancient Ones,
In the presence of the Shining and Chthonic Ones.

Fire, good-creation of the gods,
Worthy of sacrifice you are, worthy of prayer,
Worthy of sacrifice may you always be, worthy of prayer,
Worthy of this sacrifice of good, fragrant wood.

Fire of the gods, O good-created, great Ahura,
May you be provided with proper fuel!
May you be provided with proper incense!
May you be provided with proper nourishment!

Sacred fire burn within us!
]]><![CDATA[Invocation to Tishtrya, Indo-Iranian God of the Healing Rains]]>Fri, 30 Mar 2012 08:42:58 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/03/invocation-to-tishtrya-indo-iranian-god-of-the-healing-rains.htmlPicture
_We sacrifice unto Tishtrya, the bright and glorious star, who is the seed of the waters, powerful, tall, and strong, whose light goes afar; powerful and highly working, through whom the brightness and the seed of the waters come from the high Apam Napat. [1]

For your brightness and glory, we will offer you a sacrifice worth being heard.... [libations are poured].

Tishtrya you who went down to the great and holy Sea, Vourukasha, in the shape of a white, beautiful horse, with golden ears and battled the Daeva Apaosha, in the shape of a dark horse, black with black ears. You met together, hoof against hoof, and for three days and three nights you fought for control of the rains. As the Daeva Apaosha overcame you, you called out to Ahura Mazda and he himself, the greatest of the gods, made offering to you that you would be strengthened. With Ahura Mazda’s sacrifice you were given the strength of ten horses, ten camels, ten bulls, ten mountains, and ten rivers. You overcame the Daeva Apaosha and let down the waters of the Vourukasha to wash the land with your healing rain. [2]

For your brightness and glory, we will offer you a sacrifice worth being heard.... [libations are poured].

Oh Tishtrya, Dog Star, we will not forget to strengthen you with sacrifice, least we should be deprived of your healing rains. You who move along your long winding course, along the path made for you by the gods, along the way appointed for you, the watery way. Bring us your healing rains. Hear our call. [3]

For your brightness and glory, we will offer you a sacrifice worth being heard.... [libations are poured].

_______________________________________________________________

[1] Inspired by the Tishtar Yasht (Hymn to Tishtrya), Khorda Avesta 8:4 http://www.avesta.org/ka/yt8sbe.htm

[2] Inspired by the Tishtar Yasht (Hymn to Tishtrya), Khorda Avesta 8:20-33vhttp://www.avesta.org/ka/yt8sbe.htm

[3] Inspired by the Tishtar Yasht (Hymn to Tishtrya), Khorda Avesta 8:35 http://www.avesta.org/ka/yt8sbe.htm
]]><![CDATA[Being Intimate With Fear]]>Tue, 20 Mar 2012 13:46:44 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/03/being-intimate-with-fear.htmlPicture
While reading "Falling Into Grace" the other day I cam across a subsection of the book titled "Being Intimate With Fear." That phrase struck me all at once as both freeing and scary. Fear is natural, its part of our base animal instincts. When our ancestors lived in the wilderness, fear kept them alive it prompted them to flee when prudent.

Yet, the people of the Western world doesn't typically live in the wilderness. So, many of our fears are internal fears such as fear of intimacy, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, etc. When fear is internal, you can never really run away because you can't outrun yourself.

The hard thing in embracing and being intimate with fear is just allowing yourself to face it, to be open and vulnerable to it. Most of us recoil when we encounter fear and try to hide from it by distracting ourselves or blame our fears on others so we don't have to be responsible for the way we feel.

We don't have to recoil from internal fear. We just have to allow ourselves to be with it. Allow it to wash over us, recognize and name the fears you are experiencing. Witness them, be with them and find out why they exist. Many of our fears come from childhood experiences or expectations.

Once you have acknowledged the fear you can practice letting it go. Its so hard for us to do this but if you can just practice letting go of that one fear this one time, you've proven to yourself that you can do it and you can do it again.

How can you let go of fear? Remember that we are who we are because of our life experiences and how we chose to react to them. Like it or not, the reaction you have to any event, is a choice. Sometimes its not a concious choice but it is a choice nonetheless. The sooner we realize this and become more mindful of our actions and reactions in the world, the sooner we can begin to recongize these instant decisions and take control of them and the feelings that they represent.

Practice recongizing fear when it happens. Then be with it. Let it sit in your body. Experience it. Where do you feel fear. Is it in your chest? Do your hands tremble? Do your eyes tear up? Does your body sweat? Feel it, be with it and recognize the sensations in your body. What memories does it evoke? Does the fear speak with the voice of someone you know or with your own voice? Does it take a mental form in your mind? What event in your life does this fear remind you of?
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If something doesn't work for you, do something else. Now choose to try something else, smile. Smile at your fear instead of shrinking from it. Let out a deep belly laugh or a giggle if you wish, and recognize the ridiculousness of fearing something that resides within your self. Feel the fear turn instead to understanding.

Understand that most fear is natural, normal, and healthy. However, unhealthy fear is unnecessary and you can choose to let it go.

You may have to let this same fear go a few times before it is vanquished but it will abate over time. Remember, if something doesn't work for you (running away or hiding from fear) do something else. Smile instead.
]]><![CDATA[Reflections on Personal Suffering]]>Fri, 16 Mar 2012 21:23:53 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/03/the-root-suffering.htmlReciprocity, some say it is at the heart of Druidry, perhaps even all of human interaction. After all, how many of us seek to retain friendships that are one-sided? The answer, surprisingly, is quite a few.

Why do so many of us do this? Why do we continue to hang on to relationships that are neither satisfying nor pleasurable? What exactly do relationships like this even give us?
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_ This is something I’ve had to ponder time and again as I keep finding myself in one-sided friendships. Maybe it’s because those friends are as emotionally unavailable as many of my early relationships were. Perhaps I’m seeking approval from people with similar personality types, in a never-ending struggle to feel complete and loved. Then again, maybe it’s because I see the pain these people are in and recognize myself in them, looking to help them in ways that others couldn’t help me when I needed it.
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Either way, it has to stop. If that means cutting those relationships out of my life all together, then that could be what I need to do. It’s too hard to not offer help and not show I care but at the same time I feel hurt when there is no reciprocation, even when I know the reasons behind it.

Sitting in these never-ending limbo relationships, never knowing where I stand, feeling forgotten, I understand that these feelings are internal, deep, ingrained. The hurt and abandonment I feel grows daily as I continue to reach out, thinking “this is the day.” Yes, this is the day that my feelings will be reciprocated or at least recognized. That day never comes and my heart writhes in agony over the loss of something that was probably never there.

Why do I allow myself to suffer like this? I know full well that those whose affections I’m seeking probably have absolutely no idea how much torment I’m enduring. I don’t blame them.

We are all suffering in our own ways, wrapped up in desire; wanting, striving for what we can’t have. No matter how many ways we act out our childhood stories, the play always ends the same. It’s what we’ve come to expect, so there it is when we go looking for it.

If I remember to be mindful of the feelings that I am experiencing and aware of the process my heart is going through, maybe I can recognize these patterns earlier and perhaps the driving need to be loved and accepted will not claw at me so fervently.

Yet, I see a reflection of myself in these friends. At one time I was so emotionally unavailable, wrapped up in my own sorrow that I couldn’t see the tenderness that others tried to share with me. If they could have only been patient a little longer, if they could have only held on a little more, I might have gotten there, one day. Now I know what I put them through. Do I punish myself by putting myself in their shoes or is this like a game of tennis, passing the role back and forth throughout life?
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Yes, we are all suffering in our own way. Still, I know that all I need to do to be happy is to stop doing the things that make me unhappy. It sounds simple, and it should be, but it isn’t.

I don’t just fear abandonment, I fear abandoning others.

It’s not just a need to be liked or even loved but a desire to not be viewed  in the same way I see those who abandoned me, to not betray someone I care about.

Knowing that, can I now decide to put them out of my mind and move on? I’m too loyal for that, its part of what made me such a good soldier and a dutiful daughter. More than that, it’s a value that I actually like about myself and betraying that value is like betraying my own self.

So, here I am again with a few answers but no real solutions.
]]><![CDATA[The Nine ADF Virtues ]]>Wed, 14 Mar 2012 19:38:59 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/03/the-nine-adf-virtues.html_An oldie but a goodie, for my Dedicant Program Students.

by: Rev. Jessie "Medb" Olson


To nine virtues we do adhere, 
To nine virtues true and just.
With these we shall persevere,
With these we shall earn trust.

With wisdom, we find identity.
With vision, we may predict. 
With piety, we seek serenity.
With courage, we fight conflict.

With integrity, we uphold ideals.
With perseverance, we have success.
With hospitality, we behave genteel.
With moderation, we avoid excess.

With fertility, we grow in love,
And to these virtues we’ll abide.
With Gods below and Gods above,
And the Kindred by our side. ]]><![CDATA[Let Me In]]>Wed, 14 Mar 2012 09:07:51 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/03/let-me-in.htmlYour heart is raw, your soul laid bare,
You think I can’t see the hurt that’s there?
Your anguish is plain, it’s not obscured,
It’s clear to see, and plainly heard.

Your soul cries out in torment, pain,
I see the wounds that still remain,
You feel them raw; your soul is rent,
You do not see what they represent.

No matter how you obfuscate,
Your anger, pain, will not abate,
Until you can see the ones that care,
Who see you how you cannot dare. ]]><![CDATA[A Heart Revealed]]>Tue, 13 Mar 2012 21:35:12 -0800http://www.druidmedb.com/1/post/2012/03/a-heart-revealed.html_ Eyes meeting, minds engaging, hands touching, arms enveloping, lips pressing,
Adrenaline rushing, body shaking, palms sweating, heart racing,
Embracing, caressing, pressing, entwining, thrusting, striving, surrender!…peace.

Arms embracing, eyes entreating, words sharing, lips lingering, hands parting,
Hope shining, friendship blossoming, laughs shared, truths revealed,
Hoping, smiling, sharing, trusting, teasing, flirting, loving!...fear.

Words unanswered, thoughts unspoken, feelings hidden, hurt unshared,
Shoulders shaking, eyes crying, heart hurting, soul rending,
Agonizing, longing, tenderness, desire, infatuation, foolishness!…letting go?

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